Hi! You member me, Billy? Today is January twenty-eighth, my birthday. I be 58 years old!
Now is after Christmas, I get to talk ‘bout my birthday.
You stop cryin’ now, I’m okay. I am a happy man, got a good life. I go to heaven, see God, God tell me, “Billy, you did a good, good job, take care your Mom, work hard, make everybody happy. You be so, so happy here. Got you a nice, big room, got pictures Marilyn Monroe, got big screen TV, got a lotta dividees, play on that dividee player.”
God tell me, “Billy, you did a great job, now you just relax. Less go MEET Marilyn Monroe—you like that? An I said yes, I like that, and John Denver, too, and God tell me, “Okay, John Denver, too. And we go see your Dad, too. Your Dad pisso proud of you, Billy. You be Dr. Billy here, you like that?”
I tell my new friends my name William Robert Schulz. You call me Billy. You call me Dr. Billy, you like that. What you like, me call you? You gotta dog? I did have a dog, name is Friend, Friend is big German shepherd. She is so friendly. She lick my hand, sit by me, watch TV. I like that. But now Friend died, long, long time ago. I find her soon. You find her, you let me know where she is, tell Friend come find me. That’s a good idea.
Mom, my sister promise do that laundry for you. My brother promise you be okay without me, I not need to stay, take kevva you any more. My brother-law promise take that garbage out, I not gotta do that any more. I gon’ to like it here!
I like it, tell everybody you stop cryin’ now, you come see me when you ready. You like it here, too, I promise!
I gotta good idea. Today, you fix that “Billy Schulz January 28” cocktail. You put that crushed ice in a glass, put in little bit pomegranate juice, then that seltzer water, make little bubbles. You gotta lotta class, you put that little piece of lime on it, my brother like that. My sister-law say that look so pretty. Then you drink it, you say, “Happy Birthday, Billy!” That way, you not feeget it, ‘bout me, ‘bout my life. You member me. Happy Monday!