My friend, Jonathan, came to visit. We had snow that day!

Jonathan brought Christmas presents for me and my mom. And I had a present for Jonathan and Danielle, too.

I had a good Christmas! My nephews Daniel and Warren were here. My brother Tom and sister in law Sheila were here for a week and we all had a good time. My mom got huge stockings for everybody. Mary put a picture on every one. They were pictures of when we were little. It was so funny!

Mom made my favorite breakfast. Ham biscuits and cheese grits and other stuff. It was so good. Then we all opened our stockings and laughed a lot. I love my family and I love Christmas.

The day after Christmas I had a great surprise. My friend Jonathan came to see me. You member him. We worked together at Food City. Now he lives in Alabama. He stayed all afternoon. We went down to my partment and talked and laughed a lot. Jonathan is my best friend. I miss him a lot. I was so glad to see him. I think he will come back for Easter. I hope so.

My nephew Paul and his wife Edna came for New Year’s. We had a good time with them too. When they left my mom and I went to church. When we came out we had a flat tire. Now the holiday is over.

I hope you had a good Christmas too. And Happy New Year!

Love, Billy

P.S. Now that Christmas is gone, it’s okay for me to talk about my birthday.

Everyone loves the dance club shirts! We have sold many to others outside the dance club. What a great way to spread the word about DIGS!

Barbara Monday tells the rest of her story (for now!) about  community living for persons with disabilities in Rome, Georgia.

The 1 Step @ A Time Dance Club was started when someone saw the need and volunteered to be the leader. Music is universal and everyone can move to the music in some way. Dance club meets once a month and membership has grown to 45-50 at each meeting. Admission is charged to help with the expenses of the recreation authority. Drinks and snacks are also sold at a nominal charge.  The purpose is not to make money but to be self-supporting. It also provides a more real world experience where not everything is free. Everyone is encouraged to handle their own money and to make their own snack choices. Several members are on diets and are choosing water or a diet drink instead of a Coke and choosing pretzels instead of a candy bar or chips. Members help with manning the snack bar and learning to work quickly to serve everyone.

Shawn now has his own business. He is using the money he makes to buy more of his own equipment.

Music for dance club was originally provided by a DJ who volunteered his time.  When he could no longer help, one of our members was able to step right in. He had been watching and helping all along and had gained the confidence to do it by himself!!!

Shawn listens to the other dance club members’ suggestions for music and prepares his play list. During the dance he supplies a lively commentary and makes announcements about birthdays and other news.

With what has been accomplished so far, DIGS has made a tremendous change in the lives of adults with developmental disabilities.  Not only are there fun activities to talk about and look forward to, but true friendships have been formed. Other activities are planned by our adults such as going out to eat, shopping or to a movie. One mother of a young man turning 21 said through her tears that this was the first birthday party she had planned where people actually came. One young lady remarked that everyone she had invited came to her party, except for four and they had other commitments.

To celebrate and kick off a capital fund drive, a groundbreaking was held at our donated property.

The goal of deinstitutionalizing adults and moving toward the housing model of the personal care home is to provide a less restrictive environment for our adults with disabilities. But placing them within the community does not guarantee automatic acceptance and inclusion. DIGS received a donation of land behind and beside two established neighborhoods. To celebrate and kick off a capital fund drive, a groundbreaking was planned at the property. We were met with angry phone calls, emails, a petition and signs of protest posted around the neighborhoods. Fears of lowered property values, vandalism and our residents left to wander their streets and harming their children were expressed.  This type of protest has happened many times in our area and most likely other places around the country. Although dampened, it did not take away our joy of achieving this step toward our first home!

Once a month art club meetings promote more than artistic abilities. Social skills of sharing materials and helping others are demonstrated at every meeting.

We considered what could be done to help calm the fears and educate people about our adults and found that just maybe we were already doing what we could and should be doing! The DIGS leisure opportunities appear to be providing a unique transition for both our adults and the community at large. With these activities, our adults learn skills that other adults enjoy. DIGS gives them the support and acceptance to learn and practice those skills along with guidance for appropriate behavior and any other associated social skills. Through these examples, the community is given the opportunity to meet our adults and to see them as people participating in a club….as people who are genuine and fun to be with…..as people who are not to be pitied or done for….but as people first, who just want to be accepted for who they are.  Isn’t that what every one of us wants?

Barbara Monday continues her story of the journey to seek community living for persons with disabilities in Rome, Georgia.

Setting up the DIGS, Inc. non-profit corporation was found to be the easiest step in our primary mission to provide housing.  As we met and discussed our plan with others knowledgeable about construction costs, we developed a goal of $250,000 for our first personal care home.  This was a very conservative goal with the hopes of receiving community support in the form of donations of goods and services.  Although we are a very focused and determined group, none of us had much experience with fundraising and other roadblocks soon became evident.  As a newly formed nonprofit, the community had no knowledge of us and our mission.  We had no ‘track record’ of any accomplishments or evidence we could or would stay in existence.  The most surprising obstacle was the degree of discrimination and fear that still exists towards adults with developmental disabilities living in personal care homes in the community.  We all recognized it was going to take us a long time to build our first home.

The "Just As I Am" Choir

After several meetings and brainstorming sessions, we realized we could move forward much more quickly with other parts of our mission statement.  We had so many good ideas for leisure opportunities based on our adult children’s special interests and abilities. The city/county recreation authority agreed to help with places to meet.  A special education teacher with a background in music agreed to be our choir director and the ‘Just As I Am’ choir was established in November 2007.  Armed with a Christmas music cd and a t-shirt for each participant, the first performance took place in the food court of our local mall.  What magical joy each participant and parent/caregiver experienced that night!  It didn’t matter that some had difficulty speaking and only some could sing.  Everyone was a performer. A large audience of friends and shoppers gathered and shared this special moment. What a wonderful gift to all! 

The choir has helped to further the mission of DIGS in many more ways than expected. They perform regularly and receive donations. Word has spread through the community about the choir and what DIGS is all about.  But most importantly they have helped to form a cohesive group that has become a ‘family’.  Many parents/caregivers did not know each other and now are a support group to ‘go to’ with questions about the system, concerns about handling difficult situations, carpooling to performances and more. We all share the joys of watching our ‘children’ grow in their performing abilities, increased self-esteem, confidence and friendships.  We have also discovered that although each individual’s story of disability is different, we all share the common bonds of frustration (sometimes), guilt (sometimes), grief (sometimes) and unconditional love (always).

The "Snap Happy Camera Club": Again the t-shirt was important. To the members, it was a symbol of belonging. To the mentors, it meant "We can find you on a photo shoot." To the community, it seemed to mean, "Here are some people doing something I didn't know they could do."

We knew we were now on the right path and the Snap Happy Camera Club was formed in the spring of 2008. We planned for about ten to join but, nineteen attended the first meeting.  It appeared that our ‘adults’ were so hungry for activities to do where they felt accepted, they would attend anything…..even if it was something they had no interest in.  The attendance has now dropped to about fourteen regular members.  Using ‘point and shoot’ digital cameras, they enjoy going to different places of interest in the community to take pictures once a month. Curious onlookers will ask who we are.  They are impressed by the devotion of the photographers and the joy they show when they find a ‘good shot.’  Once a year, their photos are entered in the local fair with no special designation.  Some have won honorable mention ribbons.  The local convention center has a display of their work.  Using a strength with visual skills and unique perspective on the world, there has been a noticeable growth in their abilities since the club was formed.  Many take their cameras with them on vacation or around town and are using their cameras independently, just like anyone else.

Recognizing some true artistic ability by some of our members and love of creating by others, we next formed Art Hearts art club in 2009.  Volunteer art instructors teach a variety of skills from water color, acrylic, collage, to working in clay.  Membership is limited to fifteen, so each member will have the time, attention and space to work. Many parents/caregivers stay to lend a hand with passing out materials or extra help with the project. Without exception, art instructors want to sign up again to teach a class.  They will often remark about the genuine nature of our adults, the joy they show in their work and the appreciation they show towards the instructor.  Many of the projects become gifts for someone they care about.  Adults with developmental disabilities often don’t have the money or opportunity to purchase gifts for family and friends.  What a boost in esteem and feeling of independence it must be to give such a gift.

Jonathan is my best friend. When I started my job at Food City, I was so confused. Jonathan was my helper. He showed me how to pack bags. Put the cans on the bottom. Put the eggs on top. Put the pie by itself in a bag.

Jonathan showed me how to bring in the carts. He got in front. I got in back. We pushed the buggies together. We had fun doing that. He teased me and I teased him. We laughed a lot. In the winter we put on gloves and jackets. One time I fell down. He helped me up and I was all right. What I like best is parking the buggie cars. It’s like driving a car. Jonathan said take it slow and be careful. He told me to help Martha in the video shop. I help check out the DVDs.

He told me not to take too long at breaks. He said if the groceries go too fast I ask the cashier to help. He said don’t fool around when it’s busy. Be nice to the customers.

Now Jonathan is gone. He and his wife moved to Alabama. He left last Saturday. Me and my mom took Jonathan to lunch one day last week. Mom went home. Jonathan and I hung out at the mall. We went to FYE and I got him a DVD of The Lone Ranger. He liked that. Then he brought me home. We hung out at my partment. I cried when he left.

We had a party for Jonathan at Food City. Courtney brought freshments and everybody came. Ed said Jonathan will be back but Jonathan said nothing.

I miss Jonathan. He is like my big brother and my best friend. I hope he is happy in Alabama. I try to get over it but I do miss him. It’s breaking my heart.

Have you had to say goodbye to a good friend? How do you deal with the loss? How can we help Billy?